Why Men in Their 60s and 70s Still Drive Corvettes

(With a Special Appearance by My Daughter, the Future Probate Attorney)

There’s a particular kind of man — usually between 60 and 75, armed with AARP membership, a cardiologist on speed dial, and the bone density of a chocolate Easter bunny — who still proudly slides behind the wheel of a Chevrolet Corvette.

And honestly? God bless him. He’s not driving a car.

He’s driving a lifestyle choice, a philosophy, and occasionally a medical event waiting to 

happen.

But before we get into the reasons, let me tell you the moment I knew Corvette drivers of a certain age were a different species altogether:

THE DAY MY DAUGHTER ASKED FOR THE CAR… AND NOT ME

Years ago, when I was preparing for the legendary Pony Express Open Road Race — the kind of race where men with more horsepower than sense gather to see who can go fastest without instantly becoming a roadside memorial — my youngest daughter approached me with all the seriousness of a probate judge.

“Daddy,” she asked, “when you die… can I have the Corvette?”

Not if I die.

When.

A child who fully understood the statistical reality of middle-aged men racing sports cars in the desert.

I told her, “Sweetheart, if they can separate my body from the wreckage, it’s yours.”

She nodded, satisfied, already imagining the title transfer.

And that moment — that perfect, pure moment — encapsulates everything you need to know about men, Corvettes, mortality, and the quiet creeping absurdity that later becomes the backbone of Fall Risk, my memoir about how a simple medical stay can turn into a slapstick ballet involving nurses, IV poles, and the average number of times a man over 60 can try to pee alone.

SO WHY DO WE STILL DRIVE THEM?

REASON #1: BECAUSE IT MAKES US FEEL ALIVE… SOMETIMES TOO ALIVE

At a certain age, it’s not speed we’re chasing — it’s proof we still register on a cardiac monitor.

A Corvette gives you that pulsing reminder that life is short, thrilling, and occasionally accompanied by a paramedic who says, “Sir, do you normally sweat this much?”

REASON #2: IT’S CHEAPER THAN HEART SURGERY

A Corvette may cost a lot up front, but compared to the bill for a cardiac cath, it’s practically a bargain.

And unlike a treadmill stress test, the Corvette never asks you to jog.

REASON #3: WE’VE WANTED ONE SINCE NIXON WAS PRESIDENT

Men spend decades buying diapers, braces, tax-deductible roof repairs, and groceries for teenagers who eat like carb-addicted Golden Retrievers.

The Corvette is the karmic payout for surviving all that.

REASON #4: GRAVITY TAKES ENOUGH FROM US — LET US HAVE A CAR

By the time you’re 70, gravity has claimed half your hair, your jawline, and your ability to get out of a recliner without sound effects.

But in a Corvette?

You look sleek. You feel sleek.

You exit the vehicle like a man two decades younger — or at least try to, until your back says, “Not today, cowboy.”

REASON #5: WIVES LET US CONTROL EXACTLY ONE TEMPERATURE IN LIFE

At home, the thermostat belongs to her.

In the Corvette, the dual-zone climate control belongs to him.

This is as close to a monarchy as most married men ever get.

Reason #6: Doctors Keep Saying ‘Stay Active,’ and This Counts

Sure, they probably meant walking. Or swimming.

But driving a Corvette at highway speed absolutely raises the heart rate, engages core muscles, and strengthens the prayer reflex.

REASON #7: BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, WE KNOW IT’S A RISK — AND WE LOVE IT ANYWAY

Driving a Corvette is the same emotional cocktail that fuels Fall Risk: A mix of confidence, optimism, denial, and the blind belief that nothing bad will happen as long as you don’t read the warning label.

Men don’t drive Corvettes because they think they’re immortal.

They drive them because they fully understand they’re not — and they’d rather go out smiling than arguing with an automatic paper gown.

AND FINALLY… REASON #8: BECAUSE OUR KIDS ALREADY CALLED DIBS

Nothing motivates a man like the knowledge that his children are circling the Corvette like vultures over a desert highway.

You have never seen a 67-year-old man maintain a car with such dedication.

Waxed. Polished. Stored. Pampered.

Why?

Because if he dies, the kids get the keys.

And that — ironically — may be why he’s so determined not to.